So, the kids are in college and the empty nest hasn't been empty yet. My sister came for two weeks. Helped bridge the gap between their new chapter and mine. Now, she's gone and I think the reality is really going to sink in. Everyone has asked how am I doing with the kids away. I have felt steadfast that I'm good, pretending that they are simply at sleep away camp. We will see them at Parents' weekend in October, so I can almost really get away with that.
It's just crazy. The school that our children went to for 13 years started today and we're not there anymore. It's odd. Not wishing that I was still there with them, but it's a huge transition from all these past years. I see the Facebook photos from friends proudly posting the first day of school photos of their kids marching off to school. Those days are gone for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm exceedingly proud, but those photos are in the past. I remember the first day they went to kindergarten and I was sad that I forgot my camera to take that picture of them starting school. All these other parents were snapping away and I was running between two different classrooms seeing them off. I decided that it was an "oh, well." Living in the moment and capturing the images in my head.
Now, they are pursuing independent lives. I am still struggling with my future. It will be a jagged road. Nothing linear and clear. Two steps forward, 5 steps back, and so on. I do not feel sorry for myself, so no one has to worry about me. I am one of many parents that have to adjust to an empty nest. I just wish I had found a passion in addition to my children to help smoothly move me into this new volume, but I didn't. So, now I sit here, starting over again. Feels everyone else is on their path. Trying to stay connected to friends, but without the structure of school, we are scattering every which way. It's life. It's how it goes.
The Jewish holidays are almost here and that will be another reminder of having to re-create traditions again. It will be different, it will be smaller. It will be, que sera, sera. In the middle of all that annually, the birthday. More different celebrations.
Made a few superficial changes: got a Nespresso machine, drinking a lot more coffee, and got another piercing in my lobe. Still must do more household organization. Say it year in and year out, but this year...I mean it. :-)
So until I figure things out, I will struggle and may keep writing. It is a great outlet for me. So much to say and so much time.
Sidebars: Had tickets for months to see Hamilton on Broadway. We got there and found out the star and creator wasn't doing the performance, even though I had reconfirmed with the box office earlier in the week. We left the theatre and somehow got our money back. That was my lottery win. They never give money back if an actor isn't in the show, unless they're "above the title" actors. So the best laid plans. Now, struggling to get tickets -- Had the big fun turning Bachelor in Paradise into family viewing. Not all members participated, but much fun and caused many debates and conversations. Also, enjoying America's Got Talent and American Ninja Warriors as family gatherings. -- Still rooting loudly and passionately for the San Francisco Giants but looking more and more improbable. Need Hunter Pence in the lineup. -- US Open tennis is halfway through. Upsets and victories abound. Tonight Serena and Venus have to play each other. Hate that. If it were the finals, fine, but otherwise....-- The new season of The View began today. I tried it. Not sure I can stick with it, but without doubt, it's great to have Joy Behar back. Stephen Colbert premieres tonight! Well worth DVRing and giving it a chance. -- Sweltering here, there, and everywhere. Global climate change is a fact. It's not a belief. Enjoy your heat wherever you are. Shout out to my friend, Holly. It's her birthday today and no adult I know loves birthdays more than Holly.
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